I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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