i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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