dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
