dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
