Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
