You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
