i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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