Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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