I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
