He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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