we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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