I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
