bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
