dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
