Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
