Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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