I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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