I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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