What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
