There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
