his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
