We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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