my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need water and some morals
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
