Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
