I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
