I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
