smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
