The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
