i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
