i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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