When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
