Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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