Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it glows. i had to have it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The dick lei will go down in squad history
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
