come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
