People with herpes should wear stickers.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
