Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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