So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
