Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
