Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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