what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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