i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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