You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
