Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
