I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
