took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
