I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
