he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
