I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
