I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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