by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
