I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize