Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
