i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize