I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
