Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
