After last night, I could never be a politician.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
