she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
