why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
