Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
