I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize