Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
