yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
