Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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