Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
