he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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