So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
