I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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