but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
