but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize