I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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