I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
