Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
