Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize