I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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