i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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