he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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