After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
