Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
