sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
