nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize