How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
